Lesbian Spoon Theory and the Clexa Effect

By Karen Frost

On 14 January 2016, my very first article ran for AfterEllen. It was called “Why Fictional Lesbian Couples “Fail”: A Spoon Theory.” My so-called “Spoon Theory” (not to be confused with the Spoon Theory that is a neologism used to explain the reduced energy people with disabilities or chronic illness may have to carry out daily tasks) is a reductionist way to explain the power dynamic between two individuals in a relationship; a simplified metaphor to describe who prefers to lead and who to follow, who prefers to be the protector and who the protected. While the strength of these preferences will vary at different times and with different partners, every individual (regardless of gender or sexual orientation) nevertheless has a basic, default preference. I call it “Spoon Theory” because this natural role preference is normally reflected quite literally by whether an individual is the big spoon when it’s time to snuggle in bed, the little spoon, or both.

Per my spoon theory, there are three “spoon” types: big spoons, little spoons, and bispoonals. While the roles of big and little spoons are self-evident, “bispoonals” are more fluid. They can act as either a big spoon or a little spoon depending on the needs of their partner. For the most part—excepting bispoonals—two of the same spoon type seem unlikely to go well together in the long term. This means that for most circumstances, a big spoon could be with a little spoon or a bispoonal, a bispoonal could be with anyone, and a little spoon could be with a big spoon or a bispoonal, but two big spoons or two little spoons likely wouldn’t work. In short, people are born one of three spoon types, and this spoon type will dictate how they interact with a partner in a relationship. (For the record, spoons are not identical to the top/bottom/versatile sexual dynamic, but are strongly correlated.)

My AfterEllen article presented the hypothesis that a mismatch in “spoonage” for a queer female TV couple may be a contributing factor to why some couples are less popular with viewers than others. It also posited that queer female viewers appear to prefer the presence of a big spoon in a spoon pair, regardless of the spoon type of the other character in the pairing. Almost four and a half years later, the latter hypothesis seems to be mostly borne out. The most popular lesbian TV couples almost exclusively have a big spoon. To mix some metaphors, queer women love a good big spoon to anchor their ships, as evidenced by the following popular big spoons: Nicole Haught (WayHaught) on “Wynonna Earp,” Bárbara Román (Barcedes) on “Perdona Nuestros Pecados,” Anne Lister on “Gentleman Jack,” and Jane Ramos aka JR (Petramos) on “Jane the Virgin.” (Interestingly, while big spoon characters like Bette Porter and Shane McCutcheon were briefly the rockstars of the lesbian world in the 2000s, nowadays fan favorites are split between big spoons other spoons. It’s unclear what has driven this community-wide popularity shift.)

The Clexa Effect: Does TV Need More Big Spoon/Bispoonal Couples?

Based on enthusiasm, dedication, and fandom size, it is no stretch to say the pairing of Lexa and Clarke Griffin (Clexa) on “The 100” has been one of if not the most popular lesbian ship ever to air on TV. Although what fans seem to like best about the pairing is that the two characters were strong, independent leaders, it’s worth asking to what extent, if any, spoonage may have played a role in the couple’s popularity. Lexa and Clarke are a big spoon/bispoonal couple, a rare enough spoon pairing that it’s hard to find others for comparison. The only ones that immediately come to mind are Charity Dingle/Vanessa Woodfield (Vanity) on “Emmerdale,” Sara Lance/Ava Sharpe (Avalance) on “Legends of Tomorrow,” Camino Pasamar/Maite Zaldúa (Maitino) on “Acacias 38” and Franky Doyle/Bridget Westfall (Fridget) on “Wentworth.” Could Clexa’s popularity—and that of the other couples as well—be an indicator that queer women are hungry for more big spoon/bispoonal couples on TV?

Here’s another question: if a future TV show, inspired by Clexa, wanted to recreate in part some of what made Clexa so beloved, what would it need to include? What combination of factors that went into Clexa were most compelling to fans? Two opposing female leaders falling in love? A sci-fi/fantasy environment? A big spoon/bispoonal dynamic? All of the above and more? The proposed reboot of “Xena: Warrior Princess” in 2017 by “The 100” writer Javier Grillo-Marxuach might have answered some of these questions, but instead its failure to launch only leaves more questions. Would the new Gabrielle have been a little spoon or bispoonal, for example, and which would fans have preferred? We’ll never know.

Spoonage is Less Important Than Characters

While queer women seem to like the general idea of big spoons, time has shown the spoonage of a couple isn’t correlated to its success. This is because at the end of the day, fans respond to individual couples and their personalities far more than they do spoon dynamics (as evidenced, of course by Clexa). If spoonage plays a role in increasing the size of a pairing’s fandom, it’s a minor one. After all, not all the popular couples from the last four years have had what we might think of as a “strong” big spoon. Valentina Carvajal and Juliana Valdés (Juliantina) from “Amar a Muerte” seem to be a soft big spoon/little spoon couple and fans responded overwhelmingly positively. And both Jazmín del Río/Florencia Estrella (Flozmin) of “Las Estrellas” and Amelia Ledesma/Luisita Gómez (Luimelia) of “Amar es Para Siempre” have been fantastically popular bispoonal/little spoon pairings. There have even been a few rare examples where the spoonage of a popular couple seems a little undefinable. Are Maggie Sawyer and Alex Danvers (Sanvers) of “Supergirl” both bispoonal? How about Kelly Olsen?

Lesbian Spoon Theory: The Party Game

Readers will undoubtedly immediately quibble with some of the characterizations of characters. Is Ava Sharpe really bispoonal, or is she a little spoon? Who says Jazmín del Río isn’t a big spoon? And that is the subversive, fun side of lesbian spoon theory. Lesbian spoon theory is no deep academic hypothesis; it’s just a way to place characters into boxes, a frivolous party game. And yet it’s not just a game of “Which Spoon is That Character?”—which in and of itself is fun—but “Which Spoon Are You?”, too. The easiest way to figure out which spoon your friends are is by figuring out which character they’d rather date. If they’d rather date Nicole Haught/Anne Lister/Lexa, they’re likely a little spoon. If they’d rather date Waverly Earp/Anne Walker/Luisita Gómez they’re probably a big spoon. Test it out at your next lesbian house party. The answers may surprise you.